Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
