I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
