Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Randomize
