You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
