the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I cut my penus on the lid.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
