Her vagina should come with caution tape.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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