he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
