Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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