I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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