Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
