he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
