You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
