So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
