We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
