I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Randomize
