He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
