I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
