i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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