At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
