no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize