She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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