Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
