Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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