Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I believe in your delicious
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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