Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
