im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
