I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize