I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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