i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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