No stitches, just platelets and will power
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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