Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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