so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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