Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
