matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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