the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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