Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
