1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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