God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
