At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Still dying that you shit outside
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
