Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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