I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Michael Bay diarrhea
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
