she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
