I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
