Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
