he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
