Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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