im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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