I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
