He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
