Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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