I just pynch a tree in the face
My brain says no but my pants say off.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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