i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
