Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
