i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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