so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
