I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
