Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
