the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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