It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Randomize
