and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
