literally had 100 drinks last night.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
