I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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