went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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