today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
