also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize