Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
