And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
