I faked an abortion last night.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
