I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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