You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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