Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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