K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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