hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
