Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
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