there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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